In a previous post I wrote about the deconstruction of our ego self in ‘The separation of the worlds’ article. In this article I would like to contine on with this theme as it has been playing a very important role in my own life over the last year. I do believe when you reach a certain point along your ascension journey, after having a spiritual awakening, such as a kundalini event, questioning the new you that emerges cannot be ignored.
Everything in your life comes up for reflection. You cannot hide from yourself as there is no where to run. The you who you have always known and conversed with in the depths of your mind becomes altered and any belief systems that you have held are shattered systematically and dramatically. A kundalini awakening can bring on an ego wipeout. This is a term I have adopted from Noel Tyl, a renowned astrologer. I certainly did experience this for myself when my solar arc midheaven conjuncted my natal neptune. Reality as I new it disappeared into a forest of neptunian illusion, deception and destruction. I have since rebounded and am coming to peace with myself and the new belief systems I have incorporated into my daily life. I am certainly not the same person I was before my awakening and boy am I glad for that.
Before my kundalini awakening I would not have been able to distinguish a difference between my soul and my ego. So what is the difference you might ask as I can hear you saying this to yourself? A year ago I would not have been able to offer any descriptions on this matter. At that time I was still looking outside of myself to find the answers, there is nothing wrong with this of course it is how we learn, but using discernment I have learned is extremely important when you have experienced a kundalini awakening or any kind of spiritual emergency because at these times we are at our most vulnerable. There is alot of deception in the spirtual community and it is important to question the belief systems others are imposing on us albeit voluntarily as many of us want to unlock the mysteries around us. It is also important to be aware of others who masquerade their egos purporting information that nobody else knows, leading you to believe that they are the only ones who can guide you to your desired goal. This is why I enjoy the work of Karen Bishop. She is simplistic in her approach, and stays away from hosting forums, having a facebook page etc, which of course are all trappings of ego whether we want to admit this or not. She allows her message to speak for itself freely without charge for the most part and she doesn’t claim to know everything.
When I first had my kundalini awakening I experienced many physical and non-physical occurences in my body and around me. Inside of me I felt as if someone turned a light switch on and I physically felt an inner warmness just under my heart chakra and above my solar plexus. I had discovered the seat of my soul and was beginning to make contact with my higher self in a way that I had never done before. Depending on how in tune I am with my higher self this feeling is either now always constant or drifts in or out. I use it as a gage to decipher and encode if I am allowing my soul to guide me or if my ego has taken over.
The difference between those of us who have had a kundaini awakening and those who have not, I believe, can be found in how we express our ego selves. Whether we like it or not our ego is expressed through our personality. We cannot escape it. In astrological terms it is our natal chart. Our ego is a lense that we perceive the world through. It controls our belief systems, our reactions to others and how we even sabotage and jeopardise ourself. Our soul is our true essence and in astrology it is known as the draconic chart, when we consciously let go of our ego we are allowing our soul, the higher self of our essence to take over.
I have been having many lessons that have been teaching me the necessity in letting go of ego. For me, it has been through financial issues. Yes, that’s right money problems. When you cannot pay your bills and mortgage you have only one option, let your ego go and ask for help! A Christian would say put your faith in God, he will provide for you. Whereas someone on a different spiritual path like myself would say let go and let your soul guide you.
I am certainly not going to purport that we can completely override our egos. To be honest it is foolhardy to believe this. Yet we can be more aware of our egos by letting go and trying not to be in control all the time, when we begin to do this then we are truly beginning to be in line with our soul’s purpose. Running to others to find the answers ceases to be important because the soul knows deep down inside and will eventually guide you, the ego doesn’t and will constantly produce feelings of fear and insecurity to get you to respond to the environment and obstacles in your way.