Letting go of ego and discovering one’s soul

Aurora Borealis
Aurora Borealis - Auroras occur when charged particles outside the Earth's atmosphere collide with atoms in the upper atmosphere. The result: a glowing display of curtains, arcs, and bands in the sky. The phenomenon is called aurora borealis or northern lights

In a previous post I wrote about the deconstruction of our ego self in ‘The separation of the worlds’ article. In this article I would like to contine on with this theme as it has been playing a very important role in my own life over the last year.  I do believe when you reach a certain point along your ascension journey, after having a spiritual awakening, such as a kundalini event, questioning the new you that emerges cannot be ignored. 

Everything in your life comes up for reflection. You cannot hide from yourself as there is no where to run.  The you who you have always known and conversed with in the depths of your mind becomes altered and any belief systems that you have held are shattered systematically and dramatically.  A kundalini awakening can bring on an ego wipeout.  This is a term I have adopted from Noel Tyl, a renowned astrologer.  I certainly did experience this for myself when my solar arc midheaven conjuncted my natal neptune.  Reality as I new it disappeared into a forest of neptunian illusion, deception and destruction.  I have since rebounded and am coming to peace with myself and the new belief systems I have incorporated into my daily life.  I am certainly not the same person I was before my awakening and boy am I glad for that.

Before my kundalini awakening I would not have been able to distinguish  a difference between my soul and my ego.  So what is the difference you might ask as I can hear you saying this to yourself?  A year ago I would not have been able to offer any descriptions on this matter.  At that time I was still looking outside of myself to find the answers, there is nothing wrong with this of course it is how we learn, but using discernment I have learned is extremely important when you have experienced a kundalini awakening or any kind of spiritual emergency because at these times we are at our most vulnerable.  There is alot of deception in the spirtual community  and it is important to question the belief systems others are imposing on us albeit voluntarily as many of us want to unlock the mysteries around us.  It is also important to be aware of others who masquerade their egos purporting information that nobody else knows, leading you to believe that they are the only ones who can guide you to your desired goal.  This is why I enjoy the work of Karen Bishop.  She is simplistic in her approach, and stays away from hosting forums, having a facebook page etc, which of course are all trappings of ego whether we want to admit this or not.  She allows her message to speak for itself freely without charge for the most part and she doesn’t claim to know everything.

When I first had my kundalini awakening I experienced many physical and non-physical occurences in my body and around me.  Inside of me I felt as if someone turned a light switch on and I physically felt an inner warmness just under my heart chakra and above my solar plexus.  I had discovered the seat of my soul and was beginning to make contact with my higher self in a way that I had never done before.  Depending on how in tune I am with my higher self this feeling is either now always constant or drifts in or out.  I use it as a gage to decipher and encode if I am allowing my soul to guide me or if my ego has taken over.

The difference between those of us who have had a kundaini awakening and those who have not, I believe, can be found in how we express our ego selves.  Whether we like it or not our ego is expressed through our personality.  We cannot escape it.  In astrological terms it is our natal chart.  Our ego is a lense that we perceive the world through.  It controls our belief systems, our reactions to others and how we even sabotage and jeopardise ourself.  Our soul is our true essence and in astrology it is known as the draconic chart, when we consciously let go of our ego we are allowing our soul, the higher self of our essence to take over. 

I have been having many lessons that have been teaching me the necessity in letting go of ego.  For me, it has been through financial issues.  Yes, that’s right money problems.  When you cannot pay your bills and mortgage  you have only one option, let your ego go and ask for help!  A Christian would say put your faith in God, he will provide for you.  Whereas someone on a different spiritual path like myself would say let go and let your soul guide you.

I am certainly not going to purport that we can completely override our egos.  To be honest it is foolhardy to believe this.  Yet we can be more aware of our egos by letting go  and trying not to be in control all the time, when we begin to do this then we are truly beginning to be in line with our soul’s purpose.  Running to others to find the answers ceases to be important because the soul knows deep down inside and will eventually guide you, the ego doesn’t and will constantly produce feelings of fear and insecurity to get you to respond to the environment and obstacles in your way.


2010, Living with change and experiencing the new

Image of the destruction caused by the Hatian earthquake

Happy belated New Year and a warm welcome to all of you who have been visitors here on my blog and to all the new visitors.  I am relieved and delighted to see 2009 finally end.  I am sure I am not alone as many of us experienced the uneasy ups and downs last year brought.

It’s taken me almost 6 weeks to sit down and write to you all.  My soul has been wanting to but it’s as if I was asked to wait for the right moment.  2010 has come in quite dramatically for me, and if it has for me then it has for others as we are all connected at the higher levels.  Astrologically, I have read about the upcoming cardinal climax that will be occurring around the Spring and as always my body is feeling the incoming energies quite intensely.  2010 will be a dramatic year for the world so hold on to your seats. The energies are quite abrupt and I felt them intensifying during the last few weeks of December! Feelings of exhaustion have been plaguing me, and I am now determined to get to the root cause of it all.  Yes we are being pounded with energies from our solar system at a great level, but I gather I must have a block in one of my chakras as well. Working on ourselves never stops.

Nevertheless, I aptly named this article with the above title at the beginning of 2010.  Little did I know how relevant this subject would be on a micro and macro level.  The earthquake in Haiti certainly did announce that 2010 will be a watershed year.  I believe that over 200,000 Haitians have since died.  It is a mass departure of souls but yet it is likely that we have now entered a time period where more and more souls will leave allowing the new souls to arrive in the form of Indigo and Crystal children.  In my family, I had recently been given very bad news around the time of the earthquake.  An aunt of mine who I had many problems with over the years killed herself.  I will leave out all of the details but we had a very challenging relationship as she was not the easiest person ego wise to deal with.`Her departure has left a hole in our family.  Many of us question what we could have done differently to help her.  I feel everything happened the way it was supposed to, and she came into this incarnation to have the experience she did.  With her removal from my life there is a new energy that has emerged.  A new beginning if you like as I no longer have to be drawn into the negativity that came with our interaction. 

In addition, my long-term marriage and relationship has finally ended its course.  I have laboured for 3 years to hold on, but the necessary change is to hard to fight.  My husband and I will always love each other and we were great teachers to one another but as with everything happening now it is time to close one door and open another.

It seems that on a large scale this is happening to others too.  Negativity that once seemed to have full reign to create chaos is now breaking down.  Many souls who are not in tune with the new energies are leaving and many new souls are coming here to take their place.   I have just learned of the death of the Fashion designer Alexander McQueen.  It seems more and more high profile individuas are also choosing to leave at this time.  Interesting that he committed suicide just as my aunt did- the energies certainly seem to be pushing people to their limit at the moment.  For some it may be too much I feel. It is sad for many of us who are losing family members and friends, relationships, or our jobs, regardless there are alot of endings bouncing around in many of our lives. But there is also a certain amount of relief that is existent within all of this if only we see the other side of all of this change.  We have a chance to begin again.  Create a new world.

I believe that the new earth is here.  I feel I am living it daily.  I have little contact with the old world and many people  in it.  I work nights and use the time to prepare my novel which will be coming out soon. I have been working tirelessly on the editing of my manuscript before ‘I send it to my publisher.  I also use the time to write the second book in the series.  I enjoy the limited contact I have with the outside world and have been meeting nicer softer souls when at work.  They are not in tune with the metaphysical side, but they are good people nevertheless.

I can definitely feel that the new is here.  It may be shrouded around some sadness as we let go of our past but better times are ahead of us. 

Valentine St Aubyn

The separation of the worlds, and experiencing the deconstruction of our ego selves

Throughout my whole life I have done alot of soul searching.  I’ve never been willing to accept everything I read and hear and have always dug further under the surface.  That’s why at age 13 I read the bible  trying to understand the message that was presented and thought that I would be going to hell because I just wasn’t able to believe that the Christian God was a loving and caring creator, he could not scare me into believing.  At age 19 I was reading about the history of various revolutions and counter revolution campaigns created by the CIA to stop them.  By age 21 I was learning about mind control and how advertising is built upon subliminal messages that make you want to buy what they are selling, and of course sex is used as the master manipulator in their campaigns.  All in all I was never a willing participant in the world I was born into and have been ostracised for my beliefs over the years. 

Many of us share these experiences of not easily being decieved, supposedly it is an Indigo trait, we are the oddbins of society and live on the fringes poking fun at the mainstream.  And then here comes what so many have termed ascension.  We are blasted even further away from the mainstream and have no desire to play ball or go back to the old world that we never cared much for anyway.  Our egos begin the process of deconstruction and before we even have time to digest and think about what has happened to us  in a flash our lives are truly changed forever.  It would be nice to put a ‘The end’ caption to wrap this up but as many of us have learned the work still continues, and most likely will for the rest of our lives.

This last year has for me been one of the most challenging.  In particular I have found the energies since the summer solstice to be extremely revealing and intense.  The one thing I have learned about the ascension process is that you, meaning the you that is conscious and having an experience, the ego, is relentlessly stripped and cleansed step by step, over and over, layer by layer.  There is no right or wrong in the process and everyone will have experiences that reflect the reality they believe to help them transform and grow.  But when you hit certain ‘ingrained and stubborn programs’ within yourself that’s when the fireworks really take off.

I have managed to hit a few of my own ‘immovable’ programs which I didn’t even realise were there and have actually managed to surprise myself in new and bizarre ways.  I have been learning alot about reality and my point of perception over the last few months.  And have fully accepted that to change the outside world we must first start with ourselves on the inside, because we are the creators of what we feel, hear and touch.  I have hit a new phase with myself and have begun to see just how programmed I am, and do you know what, I don’t like it.  The truth is we are all programmed it is the price we pay to live in 3D reality, think of it in terms of the matrix.  The trick is realising that it is happening to you and then trying to break free from it, at least step by step. It is the choice between the blue or the red pill. 

I’ve been reading alot about the separation of the old 3D world and how we will be creating a new world which many of us are now existing in.  I’ll leave the questions of did we miscalculate or get it wrong for others to answser, as I really do not know, and to be honest I am glad I was removed from the old 3D world even if it is only dimensionally.  What I have begun to fully realise and integrate within myself is that I cannot begin to create the new until I get a handle on my old programming.  The programming comes in many forms such as;  that government is here to help us – wrong, and we as a collective are definitely seeing this for ourselves, or at least some of us are.  That Hollywood makes cute and inocuous movies, wrong, Hollywood is one of the main programmers and we should not take what we see lightly.  Until I get a handle on my own belief systems, my old shit keeps rearing its ugly head, which is putting a damper on the new life I am trying to create for myself in this new world.

 And this is what has been throwing me for a loop because there is alot of stuff within myself that has helped me over the years to create the world I see and it hasn’t all been bad, just 90% of it.  Now, it is all being broken down and eroded away and it feels very unsettling.  To be honest, I am surprised that I have so many triggers, but I do, and it is a part of living in 3D reality, but it is now time to move beyond them.

The separation from the old 3D world is a challenge for those of us taking part.  We can no longer hide from ourselves or skip along without looking at our belief systems. Quite the contrary,  to create the new we have to completely let go of the old and that includes how we have always thought of ourselves, what we truly want in our lives and who we want around us.  I have spoken to a few people about the economy and have realised that they basically want to keep the same old system with a few new changes.  But I don’t, I’m so tired of money and I would love a new world without the care of money.  And I think this is what makes us different from so many others, we’ve just basically had enough of all of it and it is time to completely change it all. 

In a short time I have lost some really close people to me because of the new ways that I think and to be honest I spend most of my time alone.  My old world has been shattered, and is currently being realigned.  I am not bitter but maybe a bit sad that I have to leave people I care about behind, but we are all free to think for ourselves and choose what is best for us on this journey. 

Valentine St Aubyn