Tired, tired and more tired

When 2010 started I knew this was going to be one hell of a year.  Forget what was happening in the news in my own life my husband and I separated again for a second time and an aunt who I had had a long  and complicated history with committed suicide.  Change was on the horizon and I had to buck up and role with the dice whether I liked it or not.

So here we are in May2010 and the planet is definitely catching on fire, no pun intended. We’re experiencing an on-going volcano ash crisis in Europe, an oil spill that threatens our global ecosystem, countries going bankrupt ie. Greece, Spain, Portugal (and the UK who is not too far behind), mass death of political figures in Poland that has been proven not to be an accident, America and Iran firing off at one another and Thailand fighting for change.  We have certainly entered into some rather chaotic energy and boy are we living and feeling it.  In one of my previous posts I discussed just how tired I had been feeling as of late.  And it is not only me it is others as well.  I have come across, quite innocently, on  a forum I frequent although do not participate in others complaining of either sleeping too much or not sleeping at all.  Over the last few years I slept very little waking up 2 to 3 times a night.  It is part of the new sleep cycle many of us are experiencing and it drove me crazy.  It also intensified the anxiety that I was suffering with.  Now, I have been sleeping, sometimes 15 hours in a day and still barely can keep my eyes open.  When I work, which is for me writing, I can sustain about 5 hours maximum and then my whole body shuts down and is ready for a rest.

I recenty came across an article by Tom Kenyon, which has given me some needed new insights on the exhaustion I have been experiencing and so I share it with others as I know I am not alone in this.  Funny, this week especially I have barely had any energy to do anything and writing has been out of the question, today seems to be an oddity.  I then a couple of days ago realised that the Volcano in Iceland that has been causing much trouble for Europe has been at it again.  Stirring and erupting.  Most likely my body has been reacting to this latest eruption.  God knows what I will feel like when, I stress when, the sister Volcano Katla begins to erupt.  I assume I as many others will be bed ridden for the next couple of years!

Before I include Tom Kenyon’s article I would like to comment on the article that Karen Bishop has recently posted, ‘The Three Options.’  I am a great follower of Karen’s work and feel the movements that she describes without a doubt.  This last post really resonated with me and once I feel more stable within myself I will write an article articulating what I have been experiencing.  Within my feelings of tiredness and exhaustion I found this last week incredibly difficult emotionally.  One minute I’m fine the next I am crying.  The emotion has been deep and I have been unable to fight off some of the darkness I have been feeling.  It is interesting that in this latest post Karen discusses one of the options we have is death.  I had concluded to myself only yesterday before I read her latest post that if X,Y and Z had not happened to me by age 43 then I would like to be released and move on.  I did not know where this was coming from it is unlike me to think in these ways but obviously it must be something many of us are being faced with.  I like many others have lost alot and I am not even 4o yet.  Others of my age group are having babies and enjoying life while I sit and suffer in silence losing everything I have ever known in my life that has helped me define who I am.  Astroloically speaking I haven’t even hit the Uranus opposition which is supposed to bring on the mid-life crises phase. Life has been very challenging for me and I have had to experience great loss.  When you experience several large scale losses in life it becomes harder and harder to believe a bright future is ahead of you. So, I was actually relieved to read this from Karen and can completely relate to how she must be feeling.  I can feel the sadness in her words and have fully resonated with how she is feeling.  I feel for some of us these feelings are very raw and real.  In the next week or so I will elaborate on this a bit futher, but at the present time I do not feel ready to discuss these darker feelings that have been making me think of death quite yet.

Anyway, below is an article by Tom Kenyon which discusses the purpose of the earthquakes and volcanoes we are experiencing and how they are interrelated and impact us.  There is some very good information here that should help you answer why you have been feeling so tired.

Until next time.

Valentine St Aubyn

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2010, Living with change and experiencing the new

Image of the destruction caused by the Hatian earthquake

Happy belated New Year and a warm welcome to all of you who have been visitors here on my blog and to all the new visitors.  I am relieved and delighted to see 2009 finally end.  I am sure I am not alone as many of us experienced the uneasy ups and downs last year brought.

It’s taken me almost 6 weeks to sit down and write to you all.  My soul has been wanting to but it’s as if I was asked to wait for the right moment.  2010 has come in quite dramatically for me, and if it has for me then it has for others as we are all connected at the higher levels.  Astrologically, I have read about the upcoming cardinal climax that will be occurring around the Spring and as always my body is feeling the incoming energies quite intensely.  2010 will be a dramatic year for the world so hold on to your seats. The energies are quite abrupt and I felt them intensifying during the last few weeks of December! Feelings of exhaustion have been plaguing me, and I am now determined to get to the root cause of it all.  Yes we are being pounded with energies from our solar system at a great level, but I gather I must have a block in one of my chakras as well. Working on ourselves never stops.

Nevertheless, I aptly named this article with the above title at the beginning of 2010.  Little did I know how relevant this subject would be on a micro and macro level.  The earthquake in Haiti certainly did announce that 2010 will be a watershed year.  I believe that over 200,000 Haitians have since died.  It is a mass departure of souls but yet it is likely that we have now entered a time period where more and more souls will leave allowing the new souls to arrive in the form of Indigo and Crystal children.  In my family, I had recently been given very bad news around the time of the earthquake.  An aunt of mine who I had many problems with over the years killed herself.  I will leave out all of the details but we had a very challenging relationship as she was not the easiest person ego wise to deal with.`Her departure has left a hole in our family.  Many of us question what we could have done differently to help her.  I feel everything happened the way it was supposed to, and she came into this incarnation to have the experience she did.  With her removal from my life there is a new energy that has emerged.  A new beginning if you like as I no longer have to be drawn into the negativity that came with our interaction. 

In addition, my long-term marriage and relationship has finally ended its course.  I have laboured for 3 years to hold on, but the necessary change is to hard to fight.  My husband and I will always love each other and we were great teachers to one another but as with everything happening now it is time to close one door and open another.

It seems that on a large scale this is happening to others too.  Negativity that once seemed to have full reign to create chaos is now breaking down.  Many souls who are not in tune with the new energies are leaving and many new souls are coming here to take their place.   I have just learned of the death of the Fashion designer Alexander McQueen.  It seems more and more high profile individuas are also choosing to leave at this time.  Interesting that he committed suicide just as my aunt did- the energies certainly seem to be pushing people to their limit at the moment.  For some it may be too much I feel. It is sad for many of us who are losing family members and friends, relationships, or our jobs, regardless there are alot of endings bouncing around in many of our lives. But there is also a certain amount of relief that is existent within all of this if only we see the other side of all of this change.  We have a chance to begin again.  Create a new world.

I believe that the new earth is here.  I feel I am living it daily.  I have little contact with the old world and many people  in it.  I work nights and use the time to prepare my novel which will be coming out soon. I have been working tirelessly on the editing of my manuscript before ‘I send it to my publisher.  I also use the time to write the second book in the series.  I enjoy the limited contact I have with the outside world and have been meeting nicer softer souls when at work.  They are not in tune with the metaphysical side, but they are good people nevertheless.

I can definitely feel that the new is here.  It may be shrouded around some sadness as we let go of our past but better times are ahead of us. 

Valentine St Aubyn