My ascension nightmare and how I got to where I am now Part I

Kundalini is a Sanskrit word meaning either “coiled up” or “coiling like a snake.” There are a number of other translations of the term usually emphasizing a more serpent nature to the word – e.g. ‘serpent power’

This is my first attempt to discuss the shocking changes my body
encountered beginning in August 2007.  At the time and for several months after I did not know what was happening to me and I did not begin to learn that I had experienced a kundalini release until early 2008.  If you search the web you will find a great amount of content relating to kundalini.  It is a term widely available within new age spiritual circles and is no longer the secret that it once was, that is in these circles.  The sad reality is that the experience of kundalini is a big part of human consciouness and the astrological timing of kundalini events are often triggered by generational aspects that we all go through ie. midlife crisis, menopause for women etc.  So, why do we not know more about it as our bodies naturally have a time clock to signal the kundalini release?  David Wilcock has given a very good lecture about this very subject and shows that the Vatican is  aware of the power of kundalini and has for centuries kept the mystical side of their interests secret yet parading it through symbolism in our faces.  As usual, there are many in the know that do not want us to know but with more of us now experiencing kundalini experiences at a younger age the cat is beginning to get out of the bag.

In times past it was said that kundalini awakening, that is the release of the kundalini energy, takes place when a soul is ready to be initiated.  A certain level of spiritual maturation needs to be in place to allow the energy to uncoil itself and begin its ascent through the body to begin the process of cleansing all of the chakra centres over and over.  Spiritual maturation  usually occurs in the mid forties to early fifties which takes place just when an individual is beginning to learn that there is more to life than what they have traditionally been taught.  But now as the human race begins its journey towards the new energies of the Aquarian Age spiritual maturation is happening at a faster and younger rate.  In addition, the energies that are being pumped into our solar system have been unconsciously releasing kundalini in many people whether they are ready for it or not hence producing what is commonly termed as ascension symptoms.

It has now been over two years since the kundalini energy uncoiled and released itself in my body and my life has been turned upside down and all around. A Kundalini release is often described as spiritual bliss and a journey of becoming one with the universe.  Unfortunately for me I did not feel any spiritual bliss just sheer terror because I didn’t know what had happened to me. 

My Kundalini Release

It was the 17th August 2007.  It began with me becoming short of breath and feeling extremely unbalanced and then within a second I felt like I was outside of reality looking in.  It felt like someone had turned me and everything around me inside out.  I was frightened and I didn’t know what to do.  At work I had been experiencing severe bullying by a manager I had worked for,  and at first I thought I had an anxiety attack due to all of the stress I was undergoing but I soon realised this was not an anxiety attack this was something else.  I was not in any state to go to work I could barely stand, and within 24 hours I had become a nervous wreck.  I couldn’t sleep at all not even for an hour.  I felt like someone had plugged me into an electrical outlet and left me to fry.  After the first couple of days of being in this state I finally got a sinking feeling that something was wrong and that I would never be the same again, little did I know just how true that was.  

After a few days I began to get a loud ringing in my head which was constant.  The sound was similar to a loud buzzing sound that had a high pitch to it.  It was very loud and unnerving.  My head also hurt and it was beyond any headache I had ever experienced I was just in extreme pain.  And just when I believed that things couldn’t get worst my vision  became extremely blurred.  I could barely see and visually everything looked flattened and I felt like I was trapped in a hellish nightmare.  I am one of those annoying people who are always cold.  I have always had naturally cold hands and feet so when I began feeling constantly hot and sweating I realised that I was not myself at all.  My insomina also kicked into high gear and I have suffered with it very badly throughout my adult life.  I stopped sleeping completely, I couldn’t sleep I was hot, my head felt like it was going to explode as it was being bombarded with prickly energy and I felt incredibly anxious.  I was also frightened because I was no longer in the space and time I knew.  Within a week I became a ghostly shell of myself.  I had to go on sick leave from work because I could not function.  By the end of the second week I knew I needed help badly but I didn’t know who or where I could go. 

In part II I will discuss how I managed to balance out my body and survive my kundalini release putting me on a new journey of self discovery.

Valentine St Aubyn

The Lightworkers strike back, life after transmuting darkness and living to tell the story

Star WarsMany of us have been fighting with the ‘dark forces’ for quite a few years now.  What has been so great about the 09.09.09 portal was that it marked a definitive ending in many of our lives.  Our roles of having to wield our lightsabers and put some of the darker and lower vibrating souls into check finally came to an abrupt end with the new energies of the Summer Solstice in June 2009. Well, it did for me and trust me I have had to endure some pretty heavy battles recently and I still have the wounds to show for it.  I would urge you to read a great article from Denise Le Fay, ‘My Lightworker Strike,’  as she so poignanty articulated the frustrations that many of us have been battling with and just how fed up we had become.    

2007-09 had been a particularly difficult period for me because as the new energies started to come in at a faster pace I no longer had the support to win my battles and I was often pushed out of my jobs feeling defeated, fatigued and deflated.  For family and friends around me they often saw my professional life as very chaotic, and they probably saw me as a victim.  It was often in work situations that I had to battle with the darker energies and I often felt like a Jedi knight working her magic to fight the evil powers, or at least those in control.  But the truth is I was being pushed out and no longer supported because it was time to leave the old world behind as I was no longer needed.  Those roles and jobs no longer mattered because something better would be on the horizon for me and now finally the darkness has begun to clear.  

I understand that many of us moving into the new world are on different timelines, so some of you may be dealing with what a few of us lightworkers have had to painfully endure for many years.  And if you are please know that you are always supported and that although the road looks dark there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Know that the time will come when you will be released from this role and move on to much safer ground while someone else takes your place.  And this is the process of the new earth having a steady plan to transmute the dark.  In different stages we help move this planet to the new energies of the Aquarius Age where we can finally get to business creating the new. 

It has often been noted that Lightworkers are commonly born into dysfunctional families which gives them low self-esteem.  This is particularly true for alot of the older Indigos including myself.  We have had to spend a great part of our lives learning how to be confident and finding a niche for ourselves in a very unfriendly world.  I have come across younger generation Indigos and I find that they are very confident and they know exactly what they want to do and do not like you telling them how to do it.  I find them to be extremely remarkable and intelligent and if this is the evolution of the human race then this planet is about to get shaken and stirred like it hasn’t been before.  Nevertheless, as we wait for the younger Indigo warriors to become of age and start moving into the mainstream many of us have had the task of keeping the wolves at bay which has been extremely tiring and difficult for us older sensitive souls.  Transmuting the dark takes place on many levels and many of us have and still are experiencing illness as we fight to balance energies within and without.  So thank goodness for the new energies of 09.09.09.  The energies arrived closing a heavy door in my life and I am enjoying the peace and tranquility that is now around me.  Oh yes I still suffer with tiredness, numbing headaches and more but I no longer have to sit in negative energies with negative people, what a relief.  There is still alot more work to do and I still have to find my feet in this new world.  There is the frustration of not being able to manifest everything I need in my life and of course this has its own problems but now that I am no longer having to battle the dark of the old world life  is so much more enjoyable.  So for anyone who feels like giving up or thinks that no one else understands what you are experiencing please know that you are not alone on this journey.

Valentine St Aubyn

It’s not just the planet that is heating up it’s the whole solar system..

solar eruption from the sun

Everywhere you read scientists, specialists and those in the know talk about global warming.  Former Vice President Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his effort in presenting to the public the factual data in ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ that our planet is indeed heating up and does so through natural cycles.  At the time the Bush Administration vehemently denied these claims causing an already confused public to become even more confused about the issue.  It is true that we are not helping the situation by adding our carbon footprints to mother earth. But many studies have now proven that our current addiction to fossil fuels is not the only thing causing disharmony to our natural ecosystem.  What scientists and Al Gore do not tell you is that there is a cover up going on.

Let’s start with the main players such as NASA, who know many things but keep much hidden.  Evidence has been pointing to the increasing probality that not only is the planet heating up but so is our solar system and over the last few years these claims have been substantiated with factual data to prove the naysayers wrong.  Russian Scientists who are very much at the cutting edge of metaphysical and consciousness studies have also been leading the way with their scientific findings.  If you follow this link to a very useful article you will read some of the evidence that has been previously presented, David Wilcock has also been doing a considerable amount of research in this area and his findings can be found on his website.

So what does this all mean for us?  Well, this is where it gets interesting.  As the Solar System heats itself it is changing the energetic vibration on planet earth.  Enter 2012 the dreaded year that so many believe is the end of the world.  Hollywood’s latest disaster movie 2012 will cause more trouble than good by putting fear into the minds of many after watching the movie.  Yes, there is a definite change coming but it’s not the end of the world and quite frankly it started almost ten years ago in 1998.  2012 will just be another year along the timeline and I’m sure some spectacular things will occur but nothing like what doomsdayers are trying to propose. 

So the evidence clealy points towards the fact that the solar system is warming up and the sun storm activity that had been extremely intense during 2000-2006 certainly did have a purpose.  The purpose is that it has filled our planet with massive amounts of magneticism, electricity, and charged particles and our DNA responds to these intense beams of light that are flooding our world.universe  These are where the ascension symptoms come in.  As  our solar system ascends and loses its density pumping in more cosmic energy through solar sun storms it makes our bodies react in strange ways.  We are all connected here on earth and through the cosmos what happens above happens below.  So if you’ve been experiencing funny sensations like numbing headaches, blurred vision, vertigo, anxiety, sleeplessness, seeing number sequences like 11:11 or 9:11 and others or if your life has been falling apart beyond disbelief then know you are right on track with the universe.

Valentine St Aubyn

Starting Anew



If you search the internet for the definition of a lightworker or for the term ascension and ascension symptoms you will find pages and pages of content.  I’ll leave the ins and outs of all of these terms to the experts as there are great resources and people who describe very well what all of this means.  It seems that the lightworker world is being demystified and many more are waking up and coming on board.  I myself have noticed a difference in as little as two years with the amount of content available online, but I am not one of those who will gladly admit that as a whole the world is waking up.  My experiences confer the opposite and to my annoyance there are still many people out there who are still fast asleep and frankly don’t want to know about a ‘change’ coming to our world.  So what about those of us who are wide awake whether we like it or not? Yes we are lightworkers so now what?

We’ve experienced the life altering changes and regardless of what anyone says we are still going through them.   This in itself is a minefield to battle through as our personal lives may have changed but basic things like paying the mortgage or rent and paying our bills are still a big part of our reality, and juggling all of these along with these changes has stretched us beyond any rational limits.  Thank goodness, I have been able to enjoy a good night’s sleep for many months now even though 2009 has not been the easiest of years. Hopefully, many of you have as well.  During my darkest hours of ascension symptoms I would sleep for 2-3 hours a night, if even for that long, while feeling anxious and unsettled for the remainder of the night and day.  

If you read the myriad of material that is on the internet you will know that we have reached a milestone.  09.09.09 marked a closure between the old world and the new world to come.  From my assumptions, as I have been disconnected from many of my old friends and even family members and previous employment in an abrupt way over the last few months, I would say I have crossed over to the other side and the divide feels very much like a tidal wave crashing against rocks. Karen Bishop, whose words have kept me sane over the years, describes this new phase as a land to be yet created.  I feel deeply the emptiness and lack of energy she discusses in her latest wings post for the 22 Oct.09. So we wait for the new to arrive.  Many of us are finding that we can no longer put up with the same old characters and scenarios of the past.  Whether that be staying in our boring office jobs, keeping in touch with certain family members, or letting go of long-term relationships either through choice or by force.  Making it through all of the ascension symptoms, and life upheavals has put our shitometer at full and then some.  We just no longer can deal with it nor do we want to.  And this is why many of us have crossed over, we have hit a new level within ourselves created out of disappointment with a wish to make things better so they can stay better.

There seems to be a certain kind of sadness that accompanies being a lightworker.  We live in the light but as we transmute the darkness within ourselves and others it does something to us that changes everything that we are inside and out.  It is a difficult process and there are no rights or wrongs even though we are constantly judging our own faults.  I am looking forward to the new and connecting to those who have also crossed over.  I would be interested to hear how others have been surving through the rocky storms over the years.

Valentine St Aubyn